{"id":2102,"date":"2015-01-26T16:01:27","date_gmt":"2015-01-26T16:01:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/buyingfacilitation.com\/blog\/?p=2102"},"modified":"2015-09-17T18:30:17","modified_gmt":"2015-09-17T18:30:17","slug":"assumptions-right-wrong","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/buyingfacilitation.com\/blog\/assumptions-right-wrong\/","title":{"rendered":"Assumptions: Why Being Right Is Wrong"},"content":{"rendered":"

While researching my new book What?<\/i><\/b> I discovered that when listening to others, we naturally assume we understand what\u2019s meant and don\u2019t question our assumption. Yet the filters our brain uses to hear what others mean to convey preclude accuracy, leading to faulty assumptions. Essentially, here\u2019s what happens that makes accuracy so difficult (for more detail and research references read my book What? Did you really say what I think I heard?<\/i><\/b><\/a>):<\/p>\n

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  1. We only retain words we hear for approximately 3 seconds.<\/li>\n
  2. On direct listening, our brain automatically and haphazardly deletes portions of what is foreign to our typical thinking.<\/li>\n
  3. Our brain then takes what\u2019s left over after the initial deletion and seeks an historic match (from a prior conversation our brain deems similar), and deletes whatever is divergent from that match.<\/li>\n
  4. Our brain then takes the remainder from that deletion and filters it through our beliefs, values, filters, habits and memory.<\/li>\n
  5. Whatever is left after deletions in steps 2, 3, 4 is what we adamantly assume we have heard.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    A simple example of this just happened today. I was introduced as \u2018Sharon Drew\u2019 to a friend\u2019s friend followed by this dialogue:<\/p>\n

    V: Hi Sharon.
    \nSDM: Actually, my first name is Sharon Drew.
    \nV: Oh. I don\u2019t know anyone who calls themselves by their first name AND last name.
    \nSDM: Neither do I.
    \nV: But you just told me that\u2019s how you refer to yourself!<\/p>\n

    Because a double first name was foreign to her, she put it in an accustomed category, deleting how she heard the introduction, and then wrongly assumed a typical a first name\/last name configuration. She exacerbated the problem by then assuming she was right and I was wrong when I corrected her.<\/p>\n

    ASSUMPTIONS RESTRICT AUTHENTIC COMMUNICATION<\/p>\n

    We all do this. Using conventional listening practice, it\u2019s pretty difficult to hear what is meant without making assumptions. As a result, we end up restricting, harming, or diminishing authentic communication, and proceed to self-righteously huff and puff about what we believe is \u2018right\u2019, potentially getting the context, the outcome, the description, or the communication, wrong. Or we assume the speaker meant something they didn\u2019t mean at all. In business it gets costly when we wrongly assume a task we were never asked to perform.<\/p>\n

    I recently got a reproaching note from an annoyed colleague when, among several faulty assumptions he made that were far, far from my intent (and in one case making an assumption about my behavior that in fact was a direct response to something he did!), I didn\u2019t behave according to his beliefs: I had asked if he wanted to \u2018preview\u2019 my new book before it came out, and he felt my subsequent\u00a0behaviors insufficient given my request that he \u2018review\u2019 the book. When I pointed out his faulty assumption he got quite bumptious until I sent him back to the original email. It cost us both a possible business collaboration.<\/p>\n

    Assumptions cost us greatly, harming relationships, business success, and health:<\/p>\n