{"id":2048,"date":"2014-12-22T11:43:08","date_gmt":"2014-12-22T11:43:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/buyingfacilitation.com\/blog\/?p=2048"},"modified":"2015-09-17T18:34:07","modified_gmt":"2015-09-17T18:34:07","slug":"speaker-listener-whos-responsible-misunderstandings","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/buyingfacilitation.com\/blog\/speaker-listener-whos-responsible-misunderstandings\/","title":{"rendered":"Speaker or Listener: who\u2019s responsible for misunderstandings?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>There\u2019s been an age-old argument in the communication field: who\u2019s at fault if a misunderstanding occurs &#8211; the Speaker communicating badly, or the Listener misunderstanding? Let\u2019s look at some facts:<\/p>\n<p>1. Speaking is an act of translating what\u2019s going on internally into communication that enables others to understand an intent &#8211; choosing the most appropriate words for that particular listener in that particular situation. But the act of choosing is unconscious and may not render a full or accurate representation of what is meant.<\/p>\n<p>2. Listeners translate what they hear through a series of unconscious filters (biases, assumptions, triggers, habits, imperfect memory) formed over their lives by their:<\/p>\n<ol>\n<ol style=\"list-style-type: lower-alpha;\">\n<li>world view,<\/li>\n<li>beliefs,<\/li>\n<li>similar situations,<\/li>\n<li>historic exchanges with the same speaker,<\/li>\n<li>biases on entering the conversation (like sellers listening exclusively for need).<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<\/ol>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 60px;\">What a listener hears is fraught with so much unconscious filtering that their ability to hear accurately what\u2019s meant is untrustworthy, except, possibly, when speaking with someone known over time.<\/p>\n<p>3. According to David Bellos in his excellent book <b><i>Is That a Fish In Your Ear?,<\/i><\/b> no sentence contains all of the information we need to translate it. As listeners, are we translating accurately? What parts of what we hear is biased?<\/p>\n<p>Since communication involves a bewildering set of conscious and unconscious choices, accuracy becomes dependent upon each communication partner mitigating bias and disengaging from assumptions; the odds of communication partners accurately understanding the full extent of intended meaning in conversation is unlikely. It\u2019s quite a complicated mess of factors.<\/p>\n<p>My new book <a href=\"http:\/\/didihearyou.com\/read\" target=\"_blank\"><b><i>What? Did you really say what I think I heard?<\/i><\/b><\/a> \u00a0focuses on listening: how we mishear, misunderstand, and otherwise misinterpret, where and how the gap between what\u2019s said and what\u2019s heard occurs and how to avoid misunderstanding. [My next book might be titled <b><i>Seriously? Did you really hear what you think I said?<\/i><\/b> that focuses on speakers]. While researching and writing the book I realized that the responsibility for effective communication is heavily weighted in the court of the listener: if listeners don\u2019t have skills to catch or prevent their biases or unhook from all subjective filters, the speaker\u2019s words and intent are \u00a0moot: they may be misconstrued regardless of their accuracy. And yes, sometimes speakers mis-speak. But when a listener hears precisely what is being conveyed and respond accordingly, a speaker can hear any problems and correct them.<\/p>\n<p>So the answer is: the responsibility for an effective communication lie with the listener.<\/p>\n<p>For those wishing to recognize their own levels of misunderstanding and bias in their listening process during conversations, I\u2019ve developed an <a href=\"http:\/\/didihearyou.com\/learning-tools\/assessments\" target=\"_blank\">Assessment Tool<\/a>.\u00a0\u00a0And for those wishing to have the skills to hear without misunderstanding or bias, I\u2019ve developed a <a href=\"http:\/\/didihearyou.com\/learning-tools\/study-guides\" target=\"_blank\">Study Guide<\/a>. \u00a0Make sure you read my new book <strong><i><a href=\"http:\/\/www.didihearyou.com\/read\">What? Did you really say what I think I heard?<\/a><\/i><\/strong>\u00a0available digitally, and contact me to help you and your team implement the skills. <a href=\"mailto:sharondrew@sharondrewmorgen.com\">sharondrew@sharondrewmorgen.com<\/a><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>There\u2019s been an age-old argument in the communication field: who\u2019s at fault if a misunderstanding occurs &#8211; the Speaker communicating badly, or the Listener misunderstanding? Let\u2019s look at some facts: 1. Speaking is an act of translating what\u2019s going on internally into communication that enables others to understand an intent &#8211; choosing the most appropriate [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[29,1],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.5 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Speaker or Listener: who\u2019s responsible for misunderstandings? - buyingfacilitation.com\/blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/buyingfacilitation.com\/blog\/speaker-listener-whos-responsible-misunderstandings\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Speaker or Listener: who\u2019s responsible for misunderstandings? - buyingfacilitation.com\/blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"There\u2019s been an age-old argument in the communication field: who\u2019s at fault if a misunderstanding occurs &#8211; the Speaker communicating badly, or the Listener misunderstanding? 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